A Woman's Dictionary

Airhead (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v.
To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire".

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n.
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat, cleaned everything up, but he "made the dinner".

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n.
Gotta get married in a church.

Childbirth (child*brth) n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, "Focus...breath...push...Good Girl!"

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a pound of M&M chocolate covered peanuts.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v.
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone, who is able to create a style, you will never be able to duplicate again. See also "Magician".

Lipstick (lip*stik) n.
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n.
A day ,when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Zillion (zil*yen) n.
The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself anyway.